A turning point
Why is it that us as humans seldom learn from our past experiences and we don't always apply wisdom and knowledge when we reach a certain point in our lives? Is it because we fail to see that what's right in front of us is not what we really need or even want for that matter or are we just suckers for punishment and we love getting our selves into situations that are complicated and just simply doesn't add any value to our lives whatsoever.
I've been this situation one too many times and its time for me to re asses my position. You know one thing that I learnt in life is that it's pretty hard to find a good friend(I'm not referring to the husband and wife relationship), I've had the privilege of having one back in high school and it started at the beginning my high school career and carried on right through until after I married. We don't see or hear much of each other anymore for situational reasons I guess but when I do pick up the phone to call her It's like we never lost contact at all. I don't think I actually told her how much I appreciated her friendship and how much her understanding towards me meant. I will carry this with me forever because I realized that this kind of thing happens once in life and when you get a chance at it you should embrace it, nurture it, appreciate it and hold onto it because it might never come your way again. I'm very sad to say that I did none of the above and hence why we're not as close as what we used to be. I guess that was my chance at true friendship...
I've tried on many occasions to be the best friend that I could possibly be and I always ended up with the short end of the stick, I've been disregarded, hurt and misunderstood one too many times I guess and that's why I'm giving up on the idea all together. I don't know maybe someone will surprise me but for now I like the idea that my hubby is my best friend and that he won't let me down because we in this till "death us do part".
7 comments:
Friendship is a hard thing and I can certainly agree with u coz it involves trust & makes u vulnerable to hurt and pain and even losses whether emotionally and financially. Getting a gd friend is trial & error though and it wont happen without effort.I heard something interesting las nite:a relationship is normally based on a give and take but thats exactly wair we go rong! It shud be a give and give regardless of wetha the other person comes round on the giving and that you're not receiving anything. It's abt giving without expecting.
I love the first comment by anon! A real eye opener.
But after 10 years of marriage I find myself with only one good friend! My Hubby. And I am not complaing at all.
An interesting topic, i can relate to what you feel however, having a friend is your choice not the other person’s choice. You decide that you want a friend. Different people are different things to each other, for instance, Addie will find me a good listener but I won't be able to talk openly to her like I talk to David and David will again find that you’re a good listener and not me… that is the way life works. It sounds a bit as if you taking the easy way out though… because you and your hubby are till death do you part you just have to make him your best friend. Am I reading too much into this?
Having a friend is about being a sucker to begin with, you are the sucker who is giving up your feelings and emotions… do you think your marriage would work if you continued being exactly who you are? No, I don’t think so, at some point you need to give a little to receive… its like an investment account the more you put in the more you can withdraw… so how can you withdraw before you’ve made a sizeable investment? Investments take years and years before they mature into something worthwhile… and sometimes when you check then you will find out that the interest rate has gone down so much that you almost have nothing left to withdraw when you most need it and at other times you will find triple what you invested in that account.
One more thing that I have to disagree with you about is your claim to have one chance… everyone has chances everyday but if you want a friend then you have to be friendly, you have to give unconditionally, you have to give until it hurts… and you only score on this one if you give unconditionally… if you apply this theory to every single person you meet, you will have far more friends then you currently claim to have. People are more ready to be your friend then you are to have them… that is a lesson I learnt… I also learnt that me not having friends was because of me not because of someone else! Ask yourself this question, after speaking with someone did you leave them with some thing or did they leave you with some thing… if they left you with the compliments then you’re the one who has the ball in your court… but when you deny yourself, then you give compliments regardless of the reaction that person will give you (im still struggling with this one a lot).
Sounds a bit selfish when you say maybe someone will surprise you? Its like people waiting for the perfect spouse, job, car, boss…etc. these things don’t just happen to people who wait… you have to actively go out there and do something about it…
I hope that one of my friends can comment on this article just to prove to you how much it took out of them to continue being my friend and visa versa, like we heard on Sunday evening…. It’s a give and give.
I don’t mean to be nasty with this but its just the lessons that I have learnt and would like to share with you… maybe you don’t need it and someone else who reads this blog will need it. Like I said before, we are different things to different people!
Keep up the blog
Thank you to all who put their pennies in the plate...
Definately a lot of truth in all comments made,Anon I do however think this is all easier said than done and that it takes a lot of courage. Dalton, I did actually make the decision to have a friend and be a friend and like I mentioned in my post that I was the sucker, I kept giving and giving, I was always the one to make suggestions on what ot do or sms or evne call. Frankly I worked my backside off, I didnt wait for things to happen...you should maybe ask my hubby about my experience because he has first hand experience and maybe he could give you some insight on this issue. (Ek het al snot en trane gehuil)... But anyways thanks for the advise.
Hi all, happen to pounce on this blog. Very interesting. Friendship, we can't do without yet it's the toughest thing to be cause it calls for sacrifice. I don't know the situtation but it would seem that you tried being a friend to someone and just hit a rock... or so it seems. my suggestion would be to just... be a friend. don't want a friend. this will come afterwards. The question then would be:"what does it take to be a friend".
it takes:
1. sacrifice
2. dedication
3. commitment
4. concern
5. transparency
6. selfless-living
7. love
8. and I can go on and on.
Lois i am happy that you have this channel to express yourself. I think you are doing the smart and sensible thing. After all hy keep on taking a risk that need not be taken. You are married and if oyu are lucky then Dave will remain your best friend forever. Why be ambitiuos about being liked? I have come to similar conclusion in another area of my life. The real issue is once you have made such a wonderfully sensible decision how do you manage it? if you went to church with someone like that, lived with them or worked with them I mean. Life is full of ties that bind us to people we wolud sometimes have nothing to do with. - The Core
Song - Only one friend left - Dan Seals
The True Meaning of Friendship
When true friendship binds two individuals together, that bond can never
be broken. For in times of confusion, I will be there to listen to you. In
times of sadness, I will be there to console you. In times of anger, I will be
there to talk with you.
Even when miles separate us, my friend, when you are confused, when you
are sad, when you are angry, search your heart and I will be there. I am, and
always will be your friend.
These are words spoken by a true friend. Many times in life we call people
friends that really don’t deserve that great honor. The honor of being
someone’s friend is one that should not be taken lightly. A friend has many
roles... one of the caretaker, the confidant, the one that is always honest
with you, the one that believes in you.
True friends will go through good times and bad. They listen to each
other... laugh and cry together...true friends understand each other even
when others don’t have a clue what is going on. Friendship means
believing in someone else and supporting them through the happy and sad
times.
A friend will catch you just before you hit the bottom. They will allow
you to fall just enough to see your mistakes. Once you are in that place,
they help you realize just how close you came to the edge.
When you find that friend in your life that will never leave your side,
cherish them, treat them with the utmost respect. Just remember they
would be willing to do anything for you, therefore you must be willing to
do the same for them.
Many of you may have found those friends right here in 4-H. I know that’s
where I met several of my most cherished friends. Those people mean
more to me than anything else in this world. Don’t be afraid to tell those
people that they mean the world to you. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
If you are at a transitional point in your life and feel like you don’t have
anyone that you could say is your true friend, you couldn’t be in a better
place, today, right now. In this room there are over 180 different
personalities. That means you have the opportunity to meet 180 new and
wonderful people.
Go out there and meet your friend, get to know people for more than face
value. Don’t judge people on their looks and decide that you don’t want to
get to know them. Look deep inside to their true personality and see the
inner beauty that they possess.
A friend is someone who understands me and knows me inside out, helps
keep me together and believes without a doubt, that I could move a
mountain.
Go find the person who knows you can move mountains!
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